You Aren’t Asking For Too Much

Often when we feel rejected or unfulfilled in our connections, it simply comes down to a misalignment in resources and not their lack of desire to meet our needs. To put this more simply, you're requesting or desiring something from someone that they don't possess within themselves to give to you.

Let's say you're asking for deep emotional connection and safety from a parent, a partner, or a friend, yet you always feel like the relationship is lacking in that area. Their actions have shown you time and time again that they recoil or reject even the slightest mention of emotion or share of vulnerability. These interactions would (most likely) leave you feeling rejected, and abandoned and perhaps, even made you question your value.

If you haven't already heard this before, let me be the first to tell you that this isn't about you or your value.

When a person is unable to meet your need it has everything to do with them and their lack of possessing what you desire. In this example, it's the other person's lack of emotional safety and depth within themselves.

So instead of being upset with that other person and their inability to meet your need, take a moment to pause and reflect.

Why are you asking again and again for someone to meet a need of yours that they don't have the resources to fulfill?

Now, take a moment to put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if someone was repeatedly asking you to give them something you don't have? Would you feel defeated? Would you feel shame, guilt, or embarrassment? How would you react? I'm willing to bet that whatever came up in this reflection, it didn't feel positive. Is this how that person responds or reacts to you?

So this is where compassion comes in - compassion for yourself and the other person you care about.

Accept and acknowledge that this person can't give you what you're asking to receive. Then, stop asking. Seriously - stop asking.

Now it's time for self-reflection. Ask yourself, am I meeting my own need for emotional safety and depth? Is this something that I truly desire to develop further for myself? Am I seeking this from outside myself because I'm avoiding doing the internal work to change? Where can I go to get this need met? Who in my life is capable of meeting me on an emotionally deep level?

By understanding your assets and limitations and those of the people in your life, you'll more successfully align your requests to the proper resource channels. This also helps you avoid unnecessary frustration and friction in your relationships. You'll more clearly be able to assess which people have full access to you and which people in your life have limited access. You get to decide what you need and what you accept in all relationships and set appropriate boundaries as necessary.

Remember, as much as you may want to try to blame or project your healing needs onto others, everything comes down to your internal state of empowerment, peace, love, and balance. If you or others in your life are struggling to find balance within themselves that's okay. Sometimes temporary space is needed and sometimes it's time to end the relationship.

To properly determine what you need in terms of boundaries, space, or connection, you must first feel safe and balanced in your body. (A.K.A. nervous system regulation)

This is important because you can only align with your intuition from a balanced place and without outside influence. If you're unbalanced, you are then making decisions, sometimes life-altering ones, from a place of fear, patterns, and unresolved wounds.

Tune in, tune out, and go to the right resources when in need.