Baiting
Anyone who's barely scratched the surface of narcissism is likely to have come across this term, and if you've ever been in a relationship with one, you'll know this tactic well; I know I certainly do.
If you're unfamiliar with this term, baiting is a manipulative tactic used to get an emotional reaction out of someone by provoking or triggering you to satisfy their selfish needs. It's commonly used both during the relationship to keep you "hooked" when they realize you're unhappy with them to "win" you back over again and after they've discarded you to see if you're still available supply.
With narcissists, everything is a game they play to win at all costs - the prize being your energy, admiration, and unconditional loyalty.
Do they give you any of those things to you in return? Don't be silly - of course they don't. They're superior to you, remember? And the only loyalty a narcissist knows is to themselves to get their own needs met, especially at the expense of those that love them.
If you're reading this and still think your story is different, please do yourself a favor and remove your rose-colored glasses; you're not the exception - you're the rule. Trust me, when you begin to hold them accountable or find your voice, they'll leave. They'll leave you high and dry to pick up the pieces of your heart after the "final" discard while they go galavanting off into the sunset in search of what they think is a better life.
And wait for it...
They reach out - give it 2-3 weeks, and it'll happen. This is the bait! Maybe they want to check in with you to see if you need "closure" or if you understand why they ended the relationship, all to get an emotional reaction out of you. Perhaps, they profess to you they're finally seeing everything from your perspective, that they've changed, and that it'll be different this time. Trust me - they didn't change, and it won't be different. A lot of times, the mistreatment and disrespect only get worse. Maybe if it's been several years, they have been in therapy, and figured out their core words, then real growth is possible - otherwise, this is all a lie and is only bait to get back into your energy.
The type of bait used to lure you back in and the length of this cycle will be different for everyone and factors in your level of awareness, where you're at in your healing, what they know to use to draw you back in, and most importantly - your willingness to end the cycle for good.
Baiting takes on all flavors. For some, baiting is a simple text such as:
"Hey."
"Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas."
"I heard your mom passed away."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"I heard some news!"
For others, baiting takes on more elaborate grand gestures such as taking you on the vacation they've promised you for years or proposing marriage.
Whatever flavor of bait you receive, trust me when I say this - they will know all the right things to say and do to try and win you back. Remember, the narc spent the entire relationship studying you and learning how to control or assert power over you. If you take the bait, don't shame yourself - it's okay! Once you're discarded again (which will happen) you'll recognize their insincerity and the cycle without doubting it could be anything different.
Only you can end this cycle. The narcissist will not consciously sever the relationship of a valuable supply source, so you must be the one to do it. Put that "out-of-service" sign on yourself. Go no-contact, block them if you must - do whatever you need to protect yourself from this flavor of an energy vampire, manipulator, and time-waster.
Surround yourself will supportive and loving family and friends. Reach out to healing resources such as free support groups, a therapist, or a coach, watch helpful videos, read books on self-development - do whatever you can to invest in yourself and turn the spotlight back onto you.
Remember, your light and beauty are what drew this person to you. They were attracted to your light because they desperately needed healing and to climb out of their darkness. Your takeaway from all of this is to no longer pick up stray dogs on the side of the road and rehab them. Remember, they will always bite the hand that feeds, and you deserve so much better than an ungrateful and mangy mutt!
