Spiritual Bullshit
"Good vibes only," "Just stay positive," "Love and Light," "Everything happens for a reason," "What's meant for you will never pass you by," "Trust the universe," "Let go and let God," "It's all part of the divine plan," "Raise your vibration," "What's meant to be will be."
I'm calling bullshit! If I hear one more of these dumb, oversimplified, ungrounded, and disempowering quotes, I might just throatpunch a bitch. Ooh, Cyndi is spicy today, but for good reason.
This post has been brewing for so many years. While I would categorize myself as being highly spiritual, I certainly don't fit the mold of what society might lead you to believe a spiritual person to be. I also don't tend to fit in most spiritual circles either. I've tried, and it's not for me.
I've found most spiritual circles to be littered with people who use spirituality and its practices to avoid their very real mental health struggles and reality at large. Heavy use of drugs is masked as "seeking enlightenment" that only further fuels addiction and escapism, manifestation practices are used to feed delusions and fantasy, and heavy meditation, breathwork, or divination practices are used to avoid addressing real-life issues, conflicts, and responsibilities. This all contributes to perpetuating cycles and keeping people trapped by their pain, never allowing them to grow or evolve truly. There's only an illusion and facade of growth. This is spiritual bypassing and only works as long as you surround yourself with people who believe in the same delusions you do.
Spiritual bypassing can look like:
Dismissing or Avoiding Difficult Emotions: Saying things like "Good vibes only," or "Everything happens for a reason," are dismissive and used to avoid difficult feelings such as sadness, anger, disappointment, or fear. This is emotional suppression and not healing, yet it's widely accepted and practiced throughout the spiritual community under the guise of a spiritual outlook. It's important to acknowledge the hard feelings with the light ones as they all belong. Suppressing emotions leads to them coming out sideways because they cannot remain hidden forever.
Minimizing Personal Problems: Similar to the first point, this practice minimizes the pain or trauma felt when difficult life experiences happen. Individuals discredit their pain (or the pain of others) as being "part of the divine plan," instead of feeling their feelings, self-reflecting, or taking action to change their circumstances. This keeps people stuck in their pain and delays healing and personal growth.
Escapism Through Spirituality: This is excessively (and sometimes obsessively) turning to any spiritual practice such as prayer, meditation, breathwork, or yoga, to escape responsibilities, conflicts, or relationship issues. You can't chant your way out of an unhealthy relationship dynamic or meditate yourself out of a problem. While you may feel better in the moment, you didn't actually do anything to change your circumstances so the peace felt only lasts as long as the situation doesn't pop back up. This gives people the false sense that they are changing their reality while doing absolutely nothing to change the situation. The reason you feel better is because you're rebalancing your nervous system. Take advantage of having your brain fully online after one of these practices to develop a plan and take real action so you can resolve your issue.
Spiritual Unity or "Oneness" as a Response to Conflict: Saying "We are all one," or "He/She is you," dismisses and invalidates someone's pain and personal injustice. This can be avoidance of wanting to talk about the hard things such as racism, sexism, abuse, or anything difficult. Stop saying hurtful and stupid shit. We are all not in fact "one" which is why we all have autonomy with our own unique bodies, minds, and spirits.
Shaming Others Through Spiritual Beliefs: This one shows up most often when a person either confides in a spiritual leader or follower about something painful in their current reality, only to be met with victim-shaming lines such as "You are the creator of your reality (or universe)," or "Raise your vibe if you want your reality to be different". Bullshit. No, you didn't "call in" your partner cheating on you, losing your job, or experiencing any other loss because somehow your "vibe" is magically off or you subconsciously created this reality. Stop gaslighting yourself or allowing others to talk you out of your feelings. Life is full of equally beautiful and tragic experiences, and sometimes life just happens. Life is messy and it sucks sometimes.
Ignoring Trauma and Wounds: Responding to people with "Let it all go," or "Love and light," when someone shares a traumatic or painful story is re-wounding and re-victimizing the individual all over again. Essentially you're telling the person that what they experienced is "no big deal" (a.k.a. minimizing) or that their pain is invalid. Part of the healing process is sharing your story to have your pain be witnessed, heard, and validated by others. This is one of the main reasons I include storytelling in my work. Sharing my experiences allows others to see themselves in the stories and can lead to being a spark of inspiration for their healing. One of the biggest reasons for this is that we often don't see our pain unless it's big enough not to be ignored, or mirrored back to us by another person. Sharing our stories releases us from guilt and shame, and allows others to do the same. While there's a fine line between purposefully sharing an experience and trauma-dumping, when done appropriately, this is a mutually healing exchange.
Spiritual Narcissism: In my opinion, this is the most dangerous form of narcissism because it's often found in spiritual leaders or practitioners who then prey on the vulnerabilities of others for personal gain. Like any other form of narcissism (overt, covert, etc.) the spiritual narcissist believes themselves to be above others and has no issue exploiting them for monetary gain, power, control, recognition, or admiration. In this case, because of their level of "spiritual enlightenment," the ego is inflated, leading them to believe they're above others because of their level of self-development or training investments. A spiritual narcissist is condescending, dismissive of others, and arrogant. Be very wary of anyone who claims to "have it all figured out," or "knows all the answers." Trust me when I say no one has life "figured out" and anyone making such grandiose claims has a lot more to work on within themselves before they can help others.
Spirituality as the Almighty Problem Solver: Using divination tools such as tarot or oracle cards, crystals, affirmations, or mantras as the only means of personal transformation doesn't work for anyone. I hate to break it to you, but no amount of crystals, card readings, or positive affirmations will ever help you heal the emotional turmoil you feel or magically bestow you with the gift of mental clarity and health. Do you know what will? Therapy, medication (if needed), or other healing modalities that help you face your issues with professional help. While these tools can be useful on the self-discovery journey for someone spiritually inclined, they are not meant to replace the real need for professional support.
Have I triggered you yet? If the answer is yes, good! I have a way about me that brings the darkness and demons out of even the most "spiritually light" person, so consider my snarky, somewhat aggressive, and unfiltered truth a gift. Our triggers highlight what needs to be resolved, so take the opportunity and choose to heal.
One of the biggest issues I have with the spiritual community is how irresponsible, self-serving, and disempowering the space can be. Don't get me wrong, there are many wonderful and responsible healers in this space doing amazing things to support people on their journey, it's simply something to be aware of. I know many amazing people whom I consider to be "safe" healers, myself included, but using your discernment is crucial in this space. Healers are people with varying levels of awareness, motives, and capabilities, so align with who feels good for you and stay away from those who don't.
A responsible healer:
Keeps You in the Power Position: At no time when working with a practitioner should you feel disempowered or reliant on them for your healing or enlightenment. There needs to be space for your intuition to be honored and respected above any information the healer brings forth. A responsible healer will also help you put yourself back into the power position anytime you choose to disempower yourself. In my trauma work, this looks like reminding clients they have all the answers within and I am only there to aid them in mining their wisdom. In my spiritual channeling work, this looks like delivering my intuited messages from a space of openness and allowing the client to interpret the meaning with their intuition. A good practitioner is mindful of the seeds planted because you never know which one will take root and if it's in their highest good or not.
They Empower You: Along with keeping you in the power position, a good healer will help you become more empowered. This looks like pointing out and celebrating your growth and healing victories, providing powerful reflections that build self-esteem and self-trust, and encouraging you every step of the way along your journey of healing together. They should be your biggest cheerleader and number one fan!
They're Honest and Authentic: Healthy healers practice what they preach, value honesty, and show up authentically. A good healer will not protect your feelings over delivering the truth. They lead with theirauthenticity and do not try to be anything they're not, including how they show up aesthetically. While it's common for men to resemble some loose form of Jesus and women a boho-chic princess, if they choose to dress in this way it's because it's who they are authentically and not because they feel that's how a spiritual healer "should" look.
They Will Say "No" and Have Boundaries: Good healers know the difference between having a client who's ready to "do the work" and those who only like the idea of it. Saying no and practicing healthy boundaries are indicators of a responsible healer. This can look like turning down a client and referring them to another resource or person who's more aligned, pausing the healing journey midway, setting healthy expectations, and holding the person seeking assistance accountable for their healing journey. As a practitioner myself, I've had to do all of those things. It's common for people to feel they're ready for more than they can energetically take on, want to rush the healing process to "get through it quicker," get caught up in routine, or feel codependent to the practitioner. Any responsible healer will notice this and take appropriate action on behalf of the client's best interests.
Spirituality and the spiritual community can be a beautiful space filled with safety and healing, but it's also filled with a lot of false doctrine and unwell people. Be discerning in this space and always return to yourself and what's true for you. The only person who ever has the answers that you seek is yourself. Stop wasting precious money, time, and energy by chasing some metaphoric magic pill offered by some "guru."
There are no magic pills or shortcuts, there's only genuine healing found in journeying inward and doing the inner work necessary to bring about peace and security within yourself. Namaste.
