Family Karma

Family. 

You can't live with them, and you can't live without them. Wait, scratch that - it is possible to live without them - it just sucks to have to resort to that!

Whether you're newly onto your self-discovery journey or an old pro, all of your work will eventually boil down to your family of origin story. Your unique blueprint consists of where you came from, who the players were, how they showed up, your challenges, family patterns, etc. 

The concept of 'family or ancestral karma' is commonly discussed in the spiritual community and is rooted in neuroscience, even though not everyone may be conscious of the scientific validity of what they're talking about. Before you assume this will be a 100% woo-woo post, it won't be. 

Family karma is essentially trauma or trauma-inducing patterns passed down from generation to generation until it's healed and released from the bloodline. The passing of such "wonderful" gifts happens via perpetuating limiting beliefs, conditioning, insecure attachment styles, core wounding, abuse, emotional immaturity, and so on. 

So this is where science meets spirituality - your nervous system development.

Without getting too much into the details, your nervous system, attachment style, and brain development all mirror those of your primary caregiver as a child. You literally borrow the nervous system blueprint from your primary provider because yours hasn't developed; this is why a baby will begin crying if their caregiver is upset or activated. Now pile on an insecure attachment style, abuse, addictions, codependency, poverty, societal conditions, emotional immaturity, and lack of access to privilege - and you have yourself a s*&t show of family karma to dig yourself out from underneath. 

Not all family karma is so in your face though. I've worked with many clients who experienced a wonderful childhood and yet suffer from anxiety, are disconnected from their bodies, and have a general unsettled feeling or displeasure for their current reality. Their experience wasn't as dramatic as an abusive or absentee parent, but the core wounding created by their upbringing left a similar imprint on them as if they did. 

Often this is a result of an emotionally immature or unavailable parent. The reason for their absence may even be positive such as traveling a lot for a career that provided much abundance for the family. However, that small child internalized the parent's absence as if they weren't good enough, undeserving of love, or felt abandoned. 

The karma of this pattern tends to play out later in life as the now-grown child selects romantic partners. We tend to go with what we're comfortable with and know, even if it's not in our best interest unless we become aware of the cycle and heal from it. Per my example, this person would likely select a partner that will be physically or emotionally distant, or both. As this person ages and grows, they're likely to become dissatisfied with the distance in their relationship and require change. (Enter mid-life crisis divorce convos for any college couples out there here)

Now this is where life can get a little dicey and the outcome is unpredictable. If only one person is open to doing the personal development work and growth necessary to change the dynamic, the relationship will either last into eternity riddled with resentment and dissatisfaction or it'll eventually end. If the relationship ends and the self-development work doesn't happen, the pattern will continue into the next relationship. And the relationship after that...and the relationship after that... You get the picture. The only way to move forward in a positive direction within this scenario is if both people are willing to put in the work on both an individual level and towards the relationship. 

Most people understand the more common karmic patterns such as the addict and codependent or empath and narcissist which is why I chose to use a more subtle example. Whatever your bloodline has gifted you, you have the power to move out of the karmic cycles. If you're confused about what patterns exist in your lineage, start by dissecting the relationship patterns in your family. See the patterns of your siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents and highlight the common themes. 

We truly don't have to look any further than our ancestors to understand what healing needs to happen in our life.